


One Selfish Moment

by JustcallmeStar



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Can be seen as romantic or platonic, Hopeful Ending, Murderous Ideology, Other, Red Kryptonite, Sad Kara Danvers, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, basically Kara has a lot of emotions and doesn't know what to do with them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:54:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25008055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustcallmeStar/pseuds/JustcallmeStar
Summary: No matter how hard she reasons with herself, she can't hurt Alex. She can't, no matter how much foolishness Alex carries in her faith in Kara.ORA random take on Red Kryptonite and some of the thoughts it brings.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	One Selfish Moment

Kara Danvers would says she's a kind person. She's polite and empathetic, kind even when the same sentiments aren't returned to her. She respects people and tries sees the good in everyone. 

Kara Zor-El on the other hand, would state that she doesn't owe humanity a damn thing and they can all go screw themselves. She spent 24 years in space, emotional connection has become a thing so far out of reach that it's become nothing but a past memory. 

The fake shit that Kara Danvers does doesn't count as 'connection', she thinks, when it's fake more often than not. Forced.

The constant bantering in her head between the two personalities is all she can hear above the dull ache in her head and the anger burning in her chest. It claws at her skin, burns and scalds and shows in the red lines marring her face and arms. 

She crashes on a deserted beach and screams, screams until her throat is bleeding and her ears are ringing. Nothing is right, everything is hazy and contorted and she can't make sense of her own thoughts. The anger becomes the only thing that she can understand, the only thing she can feel.

Anger at her parents for sending her away and expecting her to watch a baby, anger for completely missing the chance to actually see him grow up. Jeremiah and Eliza, trying to be her parents when all she wanted was her real ones. 

Especially Alex, for trusting her and believing in her when all she's ever done is ruin things. For looking at her like she's something worth cherishing, something bright and hopeful. For making the mistake of loving her selflessly and unconditionally.

It pisses her off, seeing all the potential Alex has wasted on her. She had wanted to be a doctor, wanted to help people. Instead she became an alcoholic and got recruited by a government agency that didn't actually exist.

It makes her hate herself for what she does to the people around her, the hurt that she can't seem to not cause. It makes her hate herself, and it makes her hate Alex for being so fucking stupid. Eliza treated her like her own daughter and her husband got killed for it, Alex loved her without thought and it ruined her life.

What's the point in saving no-name strangers on the street if she can't save her own family? She snarls at the thought, they all deserve to die anyway. The humans, reckless and selfish in their personal desires and willing to destroy anything that gets in their way. Including their own planet, the very ground they walk on, poisoning it and polluting the air they breath.

Just for little pieces of green paper, material possessions that will make no difference when they die. They strive for legacies, for honor long after they've passed yet refuse to work to earn it. Expecting it to just fall into their lap like they earn it just for existing.

But they're striving for better, Kara Danvers says. They're working on the future of their children, of the generations that are yet to come. They're working on lessening the burden for younger people.

No they're not, they're just trying to give the illusion that they are. Showing the world a hard working citizen, undergoing in selfish behaviours when everyone turns away. They're all the same, mindless animals that chase their wants and refuse the needs of others.

They're all the same and they all deserve to die, and if that means Kara has to die with them than so be it. She's no better than them anyway, she just has the perspective they lack.

But Alex. Selfless, brave Alex that has done nothing but care. Cares even when she shouldn't, protects people because she thinks it's the right thing to do. 

No matter how hard she reasons with herself, she can't hurt Alex. She can't, no matter how much foolishness Alex carries in her faith in Kara.

She knows Alex is hurting. Hurting because Kara is hurting, but the thing is Kara doesn't know how to stop. She tries, she tries everyday but nothing seems to stop the void in her chest that screams for everything to stop. To just give up and give in the darkness that plagues the corners of her mind like shadows, to curl up and forget everything. To fall asleep and never wake up. 

But giving up would hurt Alex, and that's something she's never been able to risk before. She just can't, no matter how much anger and hate flood through her veins and scream at her to just kill them, kill them all. Kill them and have one selfish moment. Just one.

But one selfish moment would be a lifetime of regret. One selfish moment would devastate and destroy, because she was given powers that she never asked for. Powers she never wanted in the first place.

It's ironic really, how people all throughout time have murdered and stolen and tortured for a just a taste of superhuman strength. Have strived for it all their lives and it was just handed to her on a silver platter. 

At the price of everything she'd ever loved, that is.

She burns her anger out in some feeble attempt to get rid of her powers, burns and punches and freezes anything she can get her hands on.

It doesn't work, but she feels fractionally better, just for a second. She let's the temporary calm was over her, and ruminates.

She can have her moment, just a moment of fulfillment and destroy the only person she's ever really cared about, or learn to live with the ache in her chest, Alex with her for every step of the way.

She can choose Alex, or she can choose herself. 

*******************************************************

(It was never really something she had to think about.)

*******************************************************

Supergirl shows up at the DEO, caked in dirt and mud and water. Every agent in the area raises their guns loaded with Kryptonite bullets, but don't shoot at the sight of her hands held in the air above her head. 

Assistant Director Agent Danvers is called for, and immediately she arrives, hair tousled and bags under her eyes from lack of proper sleep in multiple days.

"Help me." Kara whispers, broken and vulnerable. It makes tears run down her cheeks, a cocktail of emotions swelling in her chest. Relief, fear, sadness, all mixing in at once.

Alex does what she's always done.

She puts Kara back together.


End file.
